I went for a long run this morning and thought long and hard about the parts of me I almost let go but I had to due to health problems in the past and some in the present My father taught me how to run and my parents taught me how to work out …hike and fish and enjoy the outdoors I now know they really taught me how to cope with life in a healthy way I missed running to the extent that I was last summer and I miss being in the gym pumping iron but I feel I am slowly coming back with some complications here and there but rest and diet can fine tune and cure all I ran more than 4 miles today and it felt stronger not so hard at a good pace but then i remembered I was thinking and letting go and praying Funny I was on the train yesterday and noticed two people praying hard and long and I thought of my last spiritual reading before I even told them that I was into running they said run and get in tune with your ancestry your native americanism and your africanism..embrace that and pray as u run I remember them telling me that as they blessed me with oils and I as I was runnning today I thought I can’t give up that part of myself that heals me for how can I be a healer if I don’t heal myself and keep the gift…my temple strong and healthy most people do the workout for the body and well I try to keep it in the mind and just meditate this helps me solve problems and try not to make my problem someone elses by bitching..I just leave the prayers and issues in the wind I admit that today i did feel the need to sit under a tree and weep when I got to the Park but why? All i can do is let go of the dreams that i have in my heart to the Universe and hope that the love that i give to people in a smile in a conversation in a deed wil be the love that I will get back I looked at all the beautiful families running around the Park and all the single folks just chillin and enjoying some nature and looked from within and thought count your blessings and remember that love is life and as humans on this earth we have to remember that love is the higher powers at work the Devine telling you that you are on your right path…honor love and always honor the messenger that teaches you how to love for we are not promised tommorrow and there may not be another blessing as sweet as the last and your present blessing could be your last so don’t let go
Yesterday was such a positive day I had a great teaching review at the college..and met up with my agent again to go out on auditions then later on that eve I met my pops at the mandarin oriental for a 750 dollar a plate fundraiser at first I was like oh man then as soon as I walked in the gala this women was like Maluwa I was like oh my God I started running into all my Hampton buddies and their parents knew my parents etc I reconnected with alot of my childhood friends and I knew what my father was up to he knows I like to help the “at risk population” or as the speaker said last night the “at promise” population for it was a fundraiser ..they raised a million from the dinner alone and then had an auction and raised even more Maybe I have been in denial about my upbringing but still I can see the connections between helping folks and getting back in touch with my old friends It was refreshing and I look forward to seeing my old buddies again here or in the Hamptons…Life is so funny
I love my Pops though He had me rolling he was like go hang out after the dinner and even though I grew up a certain way he showed me that its ok and it was good to know the kids I grew up with were on the same path regardless of their income bracket
I went home the other day and looked over the lake and thought no wonder I get frustrated with the concrete jungle I guess I have a love hate relationshp with it The concrete is not good for my spirit but the arts and culture are feeding it Lately I have been thinking about how time is so important… Important for you to focus on your dreams and bring you closer to who you are as an idividaul and how that may be misunderstood by your friends You have a god given talent and ability to do things and only want to embrace that muse give it wings and watch it fly It may only run but at least you know in your heart you tried
I have a feeling that time is not gauranteed and it is better to have done then to do nothing… lately a cat has been showing up on my doorstep and really wants to come in but in my heart I know that the significance of this is much deeper and I listen …I put a candle out there before she arrived and now I give her some food …Funny how there are certain people in our lives that want to come in and we can’t let them in for they bring disease or just bad ways of living and eatting and partying We choose to live our lives without this mess I have not had the desire to be in certain crowds but more around nature
Anyways the cat is sitting and waiting at the front door and I wonder about the “constants” and the “gaurantees” and the “maybes” and “what ifs” for a minute as the rain falls a child sings to herself on the streets of NY and her mother tells her to come back into the house … we move forward in this life not really knowing what the next day brings but all we can do is try and love and be honest with the ones we love
well I am going to go feed the cat now so she does not wonder “what if” maluwa doesn’t feed me will these meals be “constant”..or “maybe” she has another cat and I am number two on her list well there are no gaurantees in this lifetime but who gives a sh…I have 9 lives
Do you ever get tired of fighting folks? You give and give and get nothing back from them but complaints I guess it happens from time to time I have been thinking I have been coming from this place to give to give to give and give more that I am frankly a bit tired at this point Not too many have the heart or courage to really be concerned about the community or those that are at a disadvantage WE live in a very materialistic world where what is worn and what is driven seems to supersede the belief that the the only thing that is genuine comes from the heart Growth is not about just financial growth its about spiritual growth learning how to be still with self and appreciate the people around you and why they are on this earth and most importantly to honor them in as many ways as you can i am embracing my muse and working on some projects with a few artist but withdrawn for I want peace and quiet and love I want a man that wants to be with me regardless of how much time I have or he has or we have but know that we are not promised tomorrow and every moment we have is like a gem and a moment dripping with the glits and glam will only taint the sweetness of a lifetime I am happy with the simple things
Sometimes I get pissed cause folks are sleeping living out of a fashion magazine and music videos that is their reality to be noticed by some stranger that thinks you look good but doesn’t even know the beginning of what your spirit’s fire could ignite in the heart of a person without hope and meanwhile somebody somewhere does not have a damb thing to eat and the man is taking away every thing you thought you may ever have lately I have met a few individuals that move my consciousness into another atmosphere and I want to stay there stay positive for self and the healingof the people empty bullshit conversation about ching ching and bling bling is brainwashing and boring and shallow I am just strategically planning an exit and yes time is essential but check this i sure know about time……
Last year the docs said I was dieing and I was dieing of cancer Damb I was scared and I prayed this could not be I stayed in bed from weakness and fatigue and could not get out I would cry all day and just think why me God I don’t want to die I don’t want to see my people sad I don’t want to not finish some of the projects I have been working on My whole body was in pain at points that to get up to go to the bathroom made me cry and one night I just fell on the floor crying and stayed there until I woke up in the morning
Thats right they thought I had Leukemia and everytime I went up into the docs office I saw folks all skinny and sick and with a whisper of death would pass me and say “hi” I was so scared and guess what I had friends that were so scared they never called me again but guess they were not my friends I had doc appts every week and I was so weak just dragging myself there was the challenge So anyways I had this bone marrow biopsy and nobody was there because nobody close to me wanted to see me in that state still there are angels on this earth and I had a feeling I was about to be one As soon as the needle went through my bone I thought OH GOD NO and my whole body shook I just could not stop shaking from fear…and the nurses came in and said Maluwa evertyhing is going to be alright and I thought what have I done to get here or hmmmm…….what have I not done
well that scared the shi….out of me and it turned out to be nothing major but exposure to chemicals and I have been focused ever since …NO i don’t want to fight and i don’t want no fake sh in my life and I don’t want to be confused as the girl with the pretty face that just wants to consume and not give The holy spirit has a way of showing us something in life that will reveal the deepest fears in us and that experience showed me that my gifts are my God given talents and not to give up no matter what
I am tired today but spiritually motivated I just want love in my life and remove all the folks that bring me trouble and worry i can’t carry that energy with me when I am trying to help folks I also know that health is tied into the spiritual
Why is it that love is not enough for some folks Have they forgotten what gifts come from the devine? Love is all there really is and the rest is all “crack” Bring me all Love warriors and nothing less for I am a soldier down for whatever the heart can feel
