So you want something sacred the devil says while squinting his eyes and smiling…not until you go through me…You will meet all the fools that are not brave enough to embrace real love and they live in lust and you will learn what it is like to be left alone in the dark searching for the needle of love in a haystack of broken promises and you will dance with the prince that carries a dagger behind his back while whispering sweet nasty nothings in your ear you will meet joker after joker until a true soul appears from out of nowhere a little ..kind of… too late ..Oh how strong do i need to be in the land of makebelievers and pricks wearing mask upon masks upon masks either because they do not like themselves or because they are afraid to see the truth so its easier to just go along with the flow of this.. Forgive me for what I am about to do is not my usual self but simply a self that no longer chooses to exist like this… i am clinging onto this wall of hope and my nails are breaking and my fingers are bleeding and I can see far below I have held on for way too fuckin long now i want to let go….Tired of asking for a hint to see the divine created by love within two and not just one I don’t think my hands have the strength to hold on and my heart hungers for the fruit of truth and love combined into one powerful potion that I can sip and make me into his wife and mother but this poison he gave me is in my veins oh God..I am sorry…. One sip whispers the devil…all your pain shall go away.. close your eyes and let go tears Tears of glass fill my eyes with blood ..most have been devils in the disguise of an angel and had one thing on their mind to get in get over and get it on Tonight I ask for forgiveness for one soul lets go …….some things will save you but not for too long and some people we need but could never really be there when we needed them…then there are times when Peace is silence and sleep without the wake is like tasting sugar on the lips of your lover tempting….sweet deep and forever
This morning is sweet and my parents are doing the routine crackin jokes on each other and call my name from time to time to tell their stories..”Maluwa you know what your father does” and then my father “you know what your mother did”..I chuckle and think to myself now this is what a lot of folks do not see and that’s why one may be misunderstood
Yesterday my father said come with me I want you to meet someone I have known since I was 13 He drove me deep into the woods to meet a woman that had a big house and lived near camels and roosters and had so much african art in her house I was amazed by her she seemed real cool and was a lover of the arts We all went over to this other woman’s house that had some crazy cool paintings and then my father and i drove away…as we were sitting in the car my father said I want you to come and visit her again by yourself..just leave NYC and come up to see her when u can…funny her husband had a camp years ago for young black men in gangs…hhmmmm
I was in such a rush to leave the city yesterday and get back to nature and see my parents My father had a big smile on his face when i arrived and I felt better The city after a while felt dirty to me and people seemed to be texting like robots and love was becoming the four letter word nobody wanted to say I needed to be around the love between my parents that created me My father and i sat down at the table in the kitchen and had a real heart to heart about my projects and my friendships Only he knows how long I have tried to work at achieving more than just a higher education and I told him there were mostly good friends in my life and that i have been getting better at editing out folks that bring no love and misery We also talked about the fact that I love how all of my work and collab’s have a humanitarian impact …this is what makes creativity “real” He and I also talked about relationships and how folks are so afraid to really love and have family
he told me well u have to know how to read folks from the jump if they are about just themselves and not into growing together supporting one another and if they are not confident in themselves u need to nurture your gifts and projects and think of your overall well being and health and create distance
He is so super cool at moments..then we drove to the supermarket and i picked up some food to cook dinner for him and my mother we also went out to the farm to pick up fresh veggies and sweet corn..This morning they are in the bedroom cracking jokes about me and my holistic ways Today I will be shucking corn and making a nice dinner and homemade apple crisp..alot of work but they are both well worth it..they have shown me how to love by loving each other and staying in it for all these years
