March 22
The other day I felt frustrated and wanted to run away from certain incidents that triggered deep emotions
I had to go to the doc and get a check up before I knew it I was surrounded by smiling happy couples with newborns or fat babies on the way All of a sudden I felt like a useless being and at that moment questioning my whole existence as a a woman on this earth ….have I become a cog in the machine??? consumed with the career and “making it”????My heart shifted into the mode of I didn’t have and what I have was meaningless … the only Salvation was in the eyes of a child
Hard work perseverance and focus was trying to be snatched up by demons that waited for this weak moment My late nights and lack of sleep made it worse i was not even in tune with exactly what I was feeling at the moment I couldn’t even tell a good friend at the time and just wanted to pour toxins into my wounds Toxins I am not even used to
i felt like i did not even represent the woman that speaks of community and building why? because I myself did not have family or offspring i found a place alone and wept like an hour a place where no one could see my weakness Dag!!! that felt sooo good to let go.. picked myself up and called my fam …My father said your students are your children for now the feeling you are getting is natural My mother asked can’t you feel that hug over the phone…they gave me laughter
The next day i ran 6 miles and tried to forgive myself for being so hard on maluwa I tried to forgive myself for hurting others by not sharing that pain and by shutting them out and i tried to remember my friends and family and not everyone is out to use up my love without giving back love
A good friend told me once that this is babylon and once u realize it… you will just flo Society has a way of projecting what is important on to us..being down having the latest clothes and being super sexy hanging out in clubs for crazy attention to the point….. we forget to challenge ourselves intellectually spiritually and dive into our own..creativity..this is our salvation
To stay on a path of spiritual enlightenment is not always easy especially without mothers nature’s kiss During my run I tried to embrace how far I have come and unhinge the chains that were trying to imprison me within the bloody walls of disbelieve …that in this world there were no angels there were no love warriors there were no souls that believed in truth love commitment integrity and honor
Once the chains hit the pavement i moved through the streets knowing that my tears show proof that i am flesh and all my achievements can’t take the place of what really makes us human on this earth
Love is all I ever wanted and few can even say the word The rest is like seeds that i plant along the way during this journey knowing that if i don’t find more… then my time on this earth will not be in vain
i reached out this morning and nobody was there to say I Love you ….and again I shook it off and went for a run in the rain
